Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
