this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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