You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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