That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
