I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
