I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
