dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
