We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
