I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Acid is not a monday night drug
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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