I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
