just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
