Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
