in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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