you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
