just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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