After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
