Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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