R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize