Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
