I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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