when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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