i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
