My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
