Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
