This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
