if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no, he came in my armpit
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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