hotel room ftw
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
