I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
