no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
