That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
