I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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