Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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