I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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