Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
