Im at strip club and am horny
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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