I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
