i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
