Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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