Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
