i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
