Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please come you make the beer taste better
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
