girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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