Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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