well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
