Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
