Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
