The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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