he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
4 words: hood of his car
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
