Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
