i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
