i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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