i barfeds in our rink
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
