Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
