R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
