I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
