Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
