it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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