made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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