# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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