when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm at about main and main street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
