Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
