no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
