Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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