I wish I could punch you in the face.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
