are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
