He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
