I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
