THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
