I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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