it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
