She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
