Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
