It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
