Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
