somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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