I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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