meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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