Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
