do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
