i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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