): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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