i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
