So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
