i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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