i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
