Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
