i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
