one two three fourrrrnication!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
