just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love having hate sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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