umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
