dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
