Say something about gay babies.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
