the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
