the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
