My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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