ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
