btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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